It is 1pm and i have not slept.
When i was 12 i thought me laying awake until 5am was fucked up.
When i was 15 i thought the fact that i watched the sun come up before going to sleep was kind of poetic.
When i was 18 laying awake still unable to sleep until 10am just became habit and i stopped talking about it.
But jesus fucking christ i’ve been laying in this bed for like a day and I cannot fucking sleep.
I’m beyond exhausted but I just cannot turn my mind off.
A week ago i experienced my first episode of sleep paralysis.
When I do eventually pass out, I wake up at around 6 or 7pm.
I try to talk to people for the hour or 2 that we are mutually conscious but at this point I have nothing to talk about because all I feel is the crippling numbness of exhaustion and apathy.
Part of me doesn’t even want to sleep anymore.
My sister came home with 14 boxes of fucking sleeping pills a couple weeks ago.
I know I could take some and go comatose for like a day and try to fix this shit but something inside me wants me to stay awake.
It’s like this debilitating inner desire to enjoy more solitude and not surrender to exhaustion.
"I can’t go to sleep yet I haven’t done my journal for the day"
*stays awake for 3 days*
Days have completely melted into one.
Time makes no sense.
I barely even have a clue what I’m saying right now.
I don’t know what the fuck is going on anymore.
Silviu & Irina Szekely
color palette, inspired by: my soul
Human Error, Victoria Siemer
Brooklyn-based graphic designer Victoria Siemer, also known as Witchoria, has an ongoing photography series updated weekly called Human Error in which the artist digitally overlays an existential or lovelorn computerized error message over a scanned Polaroid. The error message prompts the viewer for an action or to wait, illustrating the futility of this technological exercise when perceived in the context of heartbreak or ennui.
“The fact that the album came out is one thing, but we learned to like each other again. We reconnected our friendships and found why we worked together in the first place, and realized that it was always external things that had driven us apart. And suddenly found out that there was still a strength and maybe it had been obscured, but it felt real again.”
- Billy Corgan on how the band maintained to stay together after the release of the band’s second studio album, Siamese Dream.